Day … 6?

Taking inspiration once again from BlogHer‘s prompt list… 

“If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?”

Definitely a tough choice, but it would probably be to steady my somewhat fragile nerves. I worry ceaselessly about  many things. If a family member is out and hasn’t been picking up their cellphone, I automatically think the absolute worst. If I get a “Breaking News” notification, I don’t think “robbery” or “drug bust”, I think more along the lines of “impending apocalypse” (ok maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration but you know what I mean). And the most irritating part is that when I’m in full out worry/panic mode, I’m completely useless to the world and to myself. I cold sweat and shiver and am frozen in place, desperately trying to grasp something to focus on that will reassure me even a little bit that everything is ok. 

It is an incredibly harrowing personality trait, and I know exactly where I’ve inherited it from. My mum’s mum worries the same about everyone. When there is any crisis, she is the last person anyone thinks to tell, because we know she’s going to be unable to sleep or eat until things get marginally better. 

I’d be so grateful for some steadier nerves. If only we could all just be gifted that. Magically get one thing automatically fixed about ourselves. 

—-

Tomorrow is my long day at school. Even though it involves back to back Psychology classes, I feel exhausted already. 

Advertisements

Today…there is nothing to say

I am still quite speechless at the moment. I haven’t been able to form too many coherent thoughts since I spoke to a good friend of mine this morning. She married just a year ago, a small and simple wedding in a Mosque. She looked stunningly beautiful, and had a smile on her face that dimmed everyone else in the room. She was young at the time, just 19, but she was sure about him and everyone supported her and wished her well. 

Today I found out that their marriage is over, a little over two months past their 1 year anniversary. I couldn’t believe it. When asked what happened, her only answer was that they both wanted different things in a spouse. 

I desperately wanted to say, did you NOT have conversations BEFORE marriage that discussed those things? Expectations of each other is one of the most important things to talk about, it impacts your everyday life. And how do you just flippantly say your marriage is over? As though you just gave up on it because you couldn’t be bothered?

People disregard marriage as anything important. They don’t consider it to be sacred, or special. Even those from religious backgrounds. It’s looked at as slightly more serious than dating, and when things get tough or you disagree, just drop kick it out the window and look for a new one. 

I’m disgusted, scared, immensely sad, and still in solid disbelief at the same time. Disgusted because I’ve lost a lot of my faith in marriage. Scared because a failed marriage is something that’s always worried me, and now that such a close friend divorced after 1 year, it seems so much more feasible now. Sad because I’m sad it didn’t work out for her, and because marriage is such a beautiful thing. It’s the joining of two people, an agreement to beautiful interdependence in a society that is so focused on individuality and selfishness. And in disbelief because seriously…one year. 

I can’t bring myself to think about this any more. 

Humanity, please restore my faith in you soon.

-Day 5

 

I knew I’d run out of writing ideas early on

BlogHer‘s prompt list for November’s NaBloPoMo has the following prompt listed for today: Who is your favorite character of all time?  Which is a lovely open-ended question and will do nicely as inspiration for todays post.

Since it does not specify character of what, I have decided to go with what I kind of know best (books) and attempt to pick a favorite (impossible). At first I considered going with my favorite classical character (Jane Eyre), and then I thought… nah. I love her, but I don’t relate to her personality as much as others. Honestly, I think my favorite character of all time (or at least, one of my favorite) has to be Hermione Granger from J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter series.

I feel that Hermione is vastly under-appreciated throughout the series. She’s so headstrong, and intelligent, and despite her feminist and liberal views she still manages to love with an incredible capacity. She cares for Harry and Ron so much, and it doesn’t seem to be reciprocated. They pretty much use her for homework and whatnot, and often brush aside her views and arguments on everything. She’s more often than not, the right one, yet her two best friends never seem to apologize or feel too bad about it afterward.

When the war was about to start she erased herself from her parents’ memories and sent them off to Australia…a fact that was breezed over and brushed away. Then there’s the whole Ron-relationship thing. Ron is a great character, but come on, he would so not end up with ‘mione in real life. He’d need a dictionary to understand what she tells him half the time. Hermione deserved so much better. I understand the kiss and stuff right before the final battle (impending doom does loads of things to you), but to end up married with kids to Ron of all people? Serious injustice Queen Rowling, serious injustice.

I love Hermione because she’s completely brilliant and yet she never loses her humanity. I find that very intelligent people usually find it hard to connect with others on an emotional level. She finds it in her to look for the good in everyone (even Draco Malfoy, who she refused to believe was a death eater until the astronomy tower incident). I also love how she couldn’t be bothered to place much emphasis on her looks regularly, yet she knows how to clean up amazingly when need be (ex. the Yule Ball). She also shares my love for books, and learning, and the itching need to have a perfect grade in classes (I’ve cried over lost A’s more times than I’d like to admit).

Hermione Granger deserved much more than she was given, being as amazing as she is. But seeing as the series IS kind of called Harry Potter, Harry’s story was what mattered and I can understand why my girl was neglected. Still though, Queen Rowling…you could have done her just a LITTLE more justice don’t ya think?

In other news, my sister is playing Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag (awesome game) and she goes “omg I think I just killed someone”

Bro. It’s Assassin’s Creed. What did you think you’d be doing? Baking pastries?

*sigh

Day 3

In the fourth grade, our teacher let us watch “Maid in Manhattan” in class. I have no idea why, I just remember her putting the movie onto one of the schools rolling TV stands and everyone cheering (except me of course, because I had never heard of it before). 

I remember being distinctly uncomfortable, because clearly, it wasn’t meant to be a children’s movie. I felt as though I was doing something terribly wrong, because I knew my parents would never let me watch a movie like that (I was 8, and still blissfully naive about well…pretty much everything). My teacher laughingly went and stood in front of the TV partially when the brief scene of a butt-naked man came up. I remember turning my face away for the few kisses and very short bit with the two in bed together (if I remember shit correctly, I’ve only ever watched that movie once since). 

I’m not sure why I randomly remembered that today. I wonder if it’s allowed for elementary school teachers to show that kind of stuff in class, as mild as it seems now that I look back on it.  Probably not. Ah innocence. Blissful childish innocence. God, what I’d give for that back. Not knowing anything, at all. I wonder if there are still children who grow up not knowing. It sucks that that’s probably not the case. In our society, kids learn what sex is before they learn long division. 

Speaking of which, we’re totally using long division in my college algebra class. I genuinely laughed when the lesson came up. Who would have thought we’d be actually using that whole DadMumSisterBrother (division, multiplication, subtraction, and bringing the number down… respectively) crap we learned in the third grade ever again. 

Now, if you’ll excuse the complete randomness, I think I’ll go finish my competency evaluation for my forensic psychology class now. 

-NaBloPoMo Day 3

Being Young is a Funny Thing

You know how sometimes the craziest things strike your mind just as you’re about to fall asleep? Last night, the last thing I remember musing over before blissful sleep overtook me was the fleetingness of youth. 

I think it came from a train of thought involving the fact that yesterday was the first day of November, and I thought “holy shit, it’s pretty much the end of the year”. I always get nervous towards the end of a year, because my birthday is on the last day of January. I start thinking about all the things I haven’t accomplished over the year that I’d sworn I would, and about the fact that I’m one year closer to the end of my life (yea yea, pessimism or realism… whatever, shut up).

I’m going to be 20 next year. Most people would be all psyched, because hell, 20 is that much closer to the “magical” age of 21. My issue isn’t with that, it’s with the whole fact that 20 years is pretty much a quarter of your life (let’s all pretend that 80 is our average age span). Being young is so beautiful. I absolutely love myself right now. I’m in college, juggling some family responsibilities and school work, and more or less cruising down the streets of Miami at my leisure. My whole life is ahead of me. I haven’t done anything I regret. I have the liberty to smile at random people and children and not be considered creepy. 

There is a poignant beauty in that moment of anticipation before something. Much like the engagement period in a relationship is always ten times better than the marriage (this fact deserves a post all its own so let’s leave it as that for now). I have so much hope and goals and dreams for my life. Nothing crazy even, just little things that I plan to do. I have no idea of course if I’ll accomplish even half of it, but that’s just it. I don’t know, but it’s beautiful to be able to have that crazy anticipation for my life. Once you hit 30, you can’t really say you’re young anymore. You can pretend all you want, but there’s the truth. 

My train of thought for this post is totally gone now, as mi madre put on Father of the Bride and I think I’d like to watch this with my full attention (dad is cracking up and nodding in agreement with Steve Martin’s silliness). Also, it’s 11:30 and there’s half an hour before this post is officially late. 

Until tomorrow then. 

-NaBloPoMo day 2

Ay… dios mio

Let it be known for the record, that Alex Mica is hot. I haven’t thought that way of a singer for quite a while, probably since I was 13 and in complete love with Lomaticc from Culture Shock. I usually roll my eyes at the male singers and their ridiculous lyrics and general stupidity. Alex Mica isn’t exempt from the ridiculous lyrics (they’re hilarious actually) & I’m not sure about his level of intelligence, but I can’t seem to bring myself to care. 

Just… look at the amazingness. I must have watched that video 20 times in the past two days. His face though…

Really, I’m acting like some kind of hormonal, stupid teenager. I should probably stop. I’m annoying myself. 

This post is (hopefully) the first of 30 consecutive daily posts, for NaBloPoMo, which I’m attempting for the first time. I don’t actually have time to write anything of substance today, so hopefully the good stuff will flow later on. I have a crapload of coursework to do this weekend. Most of it is not necessarily due this weekend, but I’ve been seriously trying not to procrastinate this semester and thus far, it’s been going fairly well. 

I have a feeling this post is incredibly grammatically incorrect, but I couldn’t be bothered to proofread anything right now. Until tomorrow then.

I tend to write ridiculous things at the beginning of every year

For example, this is the first page out of the journal I bought for the new year:

Here’s to a fresh start. Here’s to thinking, writing, existing, living outside the box. Here’s to balance. Here’s to living for this world as though I’ll live forever, and living for the akhirah as though I’ll die tomorrow. Here’s to appreciating family, friends, health, and happiness. Here’s to being patient and strong through the inevitable misery. Here’s to success. To smiles. To learning from, and growing with, all of those around you. Here’s to less planning, less talking, and more doing. More writing. Here’s to asking Allah’s mercy, blessings, and guidance in everything you do. Here’s to buying less pretty journals and to writing more in the ones that you’ve already been blessed with. 🙂 Here’s to finding new quirks, new friends, and creating new traditions. Here’s to individuality, to interdependence, and to freedom. Here’s to less “religion” and to more lifestyle changes and spirituality. Here’s to calling upon Allah more often. Here’s to love, life, and laughter. Here’s to less cliches and more filling up blank pages with fresh ideas. 

Jan 8, 2013

Needless to say, I might have written two more pages after this and the book was tossed atop my desk to be abandoned until very recently. I kind of like the way the words flow, now that I look at it. I tend to write on like, scraps of paper, admire it, and toss it out quite often. So it’s a fairly rare thing to look back at something I wrote more than a few weeks ago (with the exception of whatever I get around to writing on here). 

Ramadan is right around the corner (it is currently Saturday, and Ramadan is expected to start on coming Tuesday or Wednesday), and I desperately want to like, blog daily or something. I’m debating whether to start a “Ramadan” blog or if to just go with this one and place the posts in their own category. Either way, I plan to do it.

In the words of Sid… “Discipline. If I don’t do it, then I’ve failed. I can’t afford to fail. I’m the only person in the world capable, and it’s almost hopeful knowing that amongst all this it can all be done.”

I love Sid. ❤